Recently, I watched the movie Up with my family, which I hadn’t seen in years. Despite it being heart warming, humorous (Squirrel!), and entertaining, I was also touched by the wisdom that came through. The main character in the movie, an elderly man named Carl, is on a mission to fulfill the dream of his recently deceased wife. He wants to get their house to Paradise Falls via helium filled balloons which are attached to his roof. At the end of the movie, Carl must choose between his wife’s dream (the past) and helping a rare mother bird return to her babies (the present). With a little help from a boy named Russell, he chooses to help the bird, but in order to do so, he literally has to let go of the past by releasing his grip on the strings of the helium balloons, letting his house float away.
The New Normal: As I talk to people during the pandemic, I often hear the phrase, “the new normal.” And, there is a lot of resistance to the new normal which shows up in various ways, but the gist of it is the same: wanting to be in the past, or to have things be the way they were, instead of being in the present, and how things are. I find myself in this place often as I get yet another notice that something I’d planned has been cancelled, or when I read about the parameters under which my son’s school will open. The new normal is different. The new normal requires masks, diligent hand washing, outdoor activities, the postponement of large group gatherings, and 6 feet of distance from people we are used to hugging.
Balancing Grief and Acceptance: As we all adjust to how are our lives are now vs. how we thought they would be, there is the need to balance our grief with acceptance. Without grief, we are denying and suppressing our losses which can lead to anxiety and depression. Without acceptance, we are denying our present moment reality, and missing what joy, gifts, and experiences can emerge in the new normal.
Grief: Our culture has little time or patience for grief. I see this playing out as people desperately want to rush back to their lives, even if it includes behavior that can endanger themselves and/or others, ultimately causing the very thing they are trying to avoid. The root cause of a lot of the virus spikes we are currently seeing is, perhaps, the desire to avoid grief. What would happen if we accepted it, allowed it, and felt it? Might we actually move through this pandemic more quickly, with less suffering and less death?
Acceptance: There is really very little we have control over, a truth being shown to us right now in a big way. Accepting what is instead of shaking our fist at it is the sanest approach. We want it to be different, sure. But it’s not. Eckhart Tolle puts it this way, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
Being in the Present: We all want relief from our suffering. By denying our present reality however, we often create more instead of less. Our charge right now is to adapt, and to work with our currently life circumstances rather than push against them. Take a few moments to look at what helium balloon strings you are gripping that are keeping you in the past. How can you let go? What energy does that free up for you in the present moment? An example from my own life is I’ve given up the comfort of my indoor office to see people at a distance outside. Because of this, for the first time in my life I’ve had the delight of watching Western Tanagers who are nesting in the trees under which I sit with clients. When my mind travels to the future, “But what are you going to do in the winter?” my practice is to reel it back in, to the here and now. The bright orange and yellow streaks against the blue sky help.
