In April I leaned that my time at the ranch was coming to an end. After 16 years, I’ve come to think of the place as mine, even though I’ve known for awhile that I was on borrowed time. Many of you have been coming to the ranch to see me for years, and I know this is a loss for you too. It has been a place of beauty, refuge, and healing. It has held space for your traumas, tears, and triumphs. It has been a consistent presence that we could rely on; a home.The Dalai Lama said, “Learn to let go. This is the secret to happiness.” The question is, as it is with so many words of wisdom, how? How do we let go?
Practice:
There are the little things we grieve, such as the ending of a fun vacation or the closing of our favorite restaurant. Then there are the big things, such as the a death of a loved one, and of course all the things in-between. We can use the little and in-between losses as an opportunity to practice letting go, which will help us with the bigger things. Many of you have heard me say it’s important to practice with the 5 pound weights to build the muscle for when life drops the 100 pounders at your feet.
Grieve:
Grief is inevitable. It honors something or someone we loved. Create space and time for it to be felt. Don’t ignore it or rush it. Don’t judge it. I’ve spent time walking the land at the ranch, mindfully paying attention to each step and my surroundings, allowing myself to cry and say goodbye. I’m going to scrub the house clean as my final farewell.
Don’t Make an Identity Out of it:
Too often we make an identity out of our grief and get stuck. If my identity as a therapist is dependent upon my office, or if one’s identity is dependent upon a relationship that has ended, we will prolong our suffering instead of moving through it. See who you are as an ever-evolving being. This includes your beliefs, your body, your relationships, and your possessions.
See it From Another Perspective:
The ranch is going to be the new headquarters for Wildlife Protection Solutions. This nonprofit is run by one of the owners of the ranch. Their mission is to use technology for the conservation of endangered species and ecosystems. It is helpful to know that the ranch will continue to be used to promote the health and healing of our planet and decrease suffering.
Embrace Change:
The only thing we can really know is that everything will change. We have the choice of turning towards that change rather than resisting it. A big way we do this is by observing and managing our thoughts. When my thoughts sound like, “I’m being kicked out, I hate moving, I don’t want to leave,” I am resisting. When I notice my thinking, I have the option of creating different thoughts such as, “This is an opportunity to practice letting go, I’m excited about the new, beautiful space, and there are things I won’t miss about the ranch, like the rattlesnakes!”
Be Present:
The only moment we have is the present one. If I’m in the past, I’m literally missing my life and the moments that are unfolding now which will never be again. For more on how to be present, read my article on mindfulness.
Accept Comfort:
As I was writing this article, my son noticed my tears. He came over to me, gave me a hug, and said, “I know this is hard.” Grief is meant to be shared, not solitary. Be vulnerable with those that are supportive and kind.
Be Creative:
Creativity is healing. Write, draw, photograph, paint, sing, sculpt! This is another way of honoring your loss.
An Ode to the Ranch:
For 16 years you’ve been a second home
A shelter in a flood
A place where animals roam
You’ve held so many stories
Withstood many storms
Saying goodbye is not easy
It comes in many forms
For me it is a tearful parting
A letting go of a time and place
I hope I’ll be invited back someday
To visit your beautiful face
