A few days ago, Ralph Lauren released an advertisement with model Fillipa Hamiltion that had been digitally altered, resulting in a freakishly thin Fillipa. Ralph Lauren did publicly apologize and take responsibility for the ad, however, it doesn’t change the fact that the company thought that the photo of an emaciated woman would be considered attractive.
Dove recently started a “campaign for real beauty” and created a short video called “Evolution” which shows how professional makeup, hair, and a computer alter a woman’s face to prepare her for a billboard ad. You can watch that video here.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFPGa0pKyTg[/youtube]Our culture has become obsessed with the appearance of the body, and we are constantly being sold the “right” way to look. Women and men of all ages are trying to mimic digitally altered models. All the emphasis is placed on how your body looks- and not how your body feels or the skill of body awareness. This fundamentally flawed way of relating to the body is wreaking havoc on the self-esteem of women and men, and has us putting our attention and energy on our bodies in a way that is unhealthy and in the grand scheme of things, unimportant. All bodies change and age.
Body Awareness
Body awareness is the ability to feel all parts of one’s body. Seems simple enough, right? However, because we spend a great deal of time focused on our thinking, the ability to sense the body has become more difficult. For people that dislike their body in some way (too fat, too thin, etc.) or experience chronic pain, being aware of the body can be uncomfortable and unpleasant. However, it is the doorway to a more confident self. To believe that paying attention to the physical sensations of the body is more important than paying attention to the external appearance of the body is a radical shift in thinking. It means acknowledging and paying attention to the fact that our bodies have their own intelligence, and to be cut off from that is to deny ourselves an essential part of our own wisdom.
The Body Has Information
There are all kinds of sayings that indicate that the body is intelligent such as, “I had a gut feeling.” And, “I followed my heart.” If we only would listen, we’d find that our bodies have quite a bit to say about our lives and choices. The body’s language is sensation. Try this 2-minute experiment: For one minute, sit down and slouch. Round your shoulders forward or scrunch them upwards. Let your back sag and your head hang down and forward. Look down. Breathe, and notice how you feel. Next, sit up straight. Relax your shoulders down. Look out on the horizon. Sit like this and breathe for one minute. What do you notice? How you feel is deeply connected to your body.
The Body and Emotion
Emotions are comprised of 2 things: thoughts and sensation in the body. Usually, they are rolled into one jumbled mess. If we can learn to separate the 2, emotions become more manageable. For example, if I feel angry, my thoughts might sound like this: “I can’t believe he said that to me! What was he thinking! He can’t treat me like that!” The sensations in the body might be: tightness in my jaw, rapid breathing, and a headache. We often fuel our emotions with repetitive thinking, which is not helpful. What is more useful is to pay attention to and feel the sensation in the body. Emotion that gets suppressed gets stored in the body, and the build up can be overwhelming, leading to severe anxiety, depression, and rage. Once we learn that we can tolerate and be present with all of our emotions, there is no need for them to be suppressed. The symptoms of the suppressed emotions then go away, and we are free to have our experience without so much distress.
How is Paying Attention to My Body Going to Help Me Feel More Confident?
Standing up straight vs. slouching, being active vs. being sedentary, taking care of yourself when your body is telling you to rest, eat, move, stretch, etc. All these things will help you feel better about yourself. In addition, as you become more comfortable with the sensations of emotion, you will become more confident. Someone is saying something that triggers an angry response in you? That’s ok. You can deal with it. Or someone says something that would normally upset you for weeks? Now you can feel your response and let it run its course, not needing to hold on to it or perpetuate it with repetitive thinking. All emotion in its pure form is temporary. As you increase your ability to pay attention to your body, you also increase your choices. If you can remain present in your body when you feel angry, you will be less reactive, having more options about how to respond.
Listening to the Body
Doing a body scan daily is a good way to practice listening to the body. When you do a body scan, you bring your attention to different parts of your body, and feel the sensations (or lack of sensations) in each part. Start with your head, and slowly work your way down, pausing to feel your forehead, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, jaw, throat, shoulders, chest, stomach, arms, hands, fingers, hips, legs, knees, feet, and toes. As you bring your awareness to each part of the body, don’t judge or try to change what you feel- rather, let the sensations be as they are. Many people find that doing a body scan helps them relax. If you would like to listen to some guided body scans, please click here.
Changing our Focus
At a 1997 Congressional briefing on eating disorders, Lisa Berzins, PhD, said, “Young girls have indicated in surveys that they are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of cancer, nuclear war, or losing their parents.” If we want to have a healthy relationship with our bodies, we have to change our focus from outward appearances to inner sensing and knowing. We have to stop hating our bodies, and start listening to them. Bringing our attention and energy to the body in this way will improve our confidence, health and emotional well-being.
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