Cultivate Confidence

Cell Phone Study Suggests Female Relationships Shape Society

JMT — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:30:00 +0000

Does your body control your cell phone use? A new study by Oxford anthropologist Robin Dunbar shows that female communication patterns influence male behavior. By studying the cell phone use of men and women in a European country, the study suggests that female behavior is shaped by biology: during their childbearing years, women “initiate and prioritize” communications with men, who are influenced to reciprocate these actions. Then around age 50, women tend to communicate most frequently with members of their own sex, which Dunbar attributes to an instinctual desire to foster the growth of the next generation.

Read the entire article here: Cell Phone Study Suggests Female Relationships Shape Society

3 Things I Learned From My Horse

Jacey — Sun, 06 May 2012 13:29:45 +0000

My horse Hermano died on March 2nd, 2012. Here are the 3 most important things he taught me:

1) The most healing thing you can offer another being is your complete attention and presence.

2) Health is unique to each being. There is no one size fits all approach.

3) When there is suffering, stay present. Even if it means standing, walking, and hopping on a broken leg.

To read the entire article, click here.

Using Your Strengths

JMT — Wed, 02 May 2012 17:45:08 +0000

According to the the VIA Classification of Strengths, doing something because you know it is right is called using your “character strengths.” Neal Mayerson, Chairman of the Institute, says that when you consciously use your character strengths, you not only become the best “you” you can be, but you help the person on the receiving end reciprocate using his or her character strengths. When you fail to use your character strengths, as when you react mindlessly instead of handling a situation from your best self, you may find yourself going out of your way to do a good deed to repair the act. This is called “strengths redemption.”

Read the entire article here: Losing Your Mindfulness? Find Redemption With Your Strengths

Crying in The Dentist’s Chair

Jacey — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:50:21 +0000

“You have to feel to heal.” ~ Julia Butterfly Hill

When people come to see me for therapy, we inevitably end up talking about emotions, and how they need to be felt, not just talked about. And inevitably, I will hear some version of the following: “I can’t feel my feelings! I’ve got to go to work! I’ve got to be with my kids! I’ve got to keep it together! I just can’t go around crying all day!” And my response is usually something like, “Why not?”

Why Not!?

Work! Kids! Didn’t you hear me? Yes, of course I heard you, and, I can’t help but wonder why we have all bought in to the mindset that it’s not ok to cry, especially in front of others. Crying is a part of the human experience, a function of the body as natural and essential as any other. We tend to think that crying is some kind of design flaw- some demonstration of weakness or worse yet, an admittance of personal failure. In reality, the opposite is true. Crying takes incredible courage and confidence, and it’s healing.

The Emotional Backlog

When we suppress our emotions they don’t go away. They get stored in the body, and they just keep piling up. Have you ever experienced the “volcano syndrome?” Somebody looks at you wrong and you end up crying or shouting hysterically? That’s emotional backlog. It’s the release of an accumulation of un-felt emotion. In addition, when we suppress emotion fear gets layered on top of the original emotion. We desperately try to control our environment so that whatever it is we don’t want to feel can stay safely locked up. For example, if we are avoiding our grief, we may avoid talking to people about loss. If someone brings up a loss, we may find ourselves feeling anxious or tense. Or, we may avoid situations where we might experience loss, such as a relationship.

Crying in the Dentist’s Chair

Jan. 5th, my grandmother died. Jan. 17th, my grandfather died. Jan. 18th, I had a dentist appointment. Of all days! I didn’t want to cancel it. I had childcare, I’d juggled my schedule, I’d have to wait 4 weeks to re-schedule it, etc.! And, I was overwhelmed with grief. I cried the whole way there and sat in the parking lot crying before I went in. “I’m about to put my money where my mouth is,” I thought and had to laugh, “literally and figuratively.” I walked inside and sat in the waiting room crying. They called my name and took me to the dental chair. The hygienist stared at me. “I’ve lost 2 people I was very close to in the past 2 weeks,” I said, “And I’m grieving. Please, do what you need to do.” She looked at me like I had 2 heads. “Do you need a minute?” She asked, looking away. “I don’t think a minute will help much,” I said. So she proceeded to do her job, and I kept on crying. The interesting thing was I didn’t feel embarrassed, or ashamed, or uncomfortable. Oddly enough, I felt empowered. Had I tried to suppress my grief, I probably would have felt embarrassed and ashamed, because suppressing my grief is synonymous with suppressing myself. When I suppress myself the message I’m sending myself is, “There is something wrong with you!”

The Benefits of Crying:

Research is showing that crying:

Flushes toxic chemicals out of our bodies.
Reduces stress
Creates a feeling of calm afterwards
Releases emotion, allowing for the natural progression of the emotion to take place (that is if we don’t shut it down)
Strengthens relationships through the act of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable

As far as I can tell, life is a series of losses we have to grieve. Creating the time and space to do this is essential whenever possible. When it’s not, I propose that we create the space by being authentic and taking the risk to share what’s really going on- even if it means crying in the dentist’s chair.

Psychology Student Suffers Depression

JMT — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:30:00 +0000

Francesca Ranieri has two masters degrees and is a PhD candidate. She also suffers from anxiety and has panic attacks. Medication prescribed in the past hasn’t helped, so today she hits the gym to stave off panic attacks. Ranieri’s experiences corroborate research showing that regular exercise helps lower anxiety and promotes more restful sleep. Her boyfriend has also been a source of great support, but she worries about becoming a nuisance to him, perhaps a result of her PhD research. Her research involves how caregivers when their loved ones have mental problems.

Read the entire article here: ‘I’m happy to be the face of teen depression if it helps other teenagers in distress’

Good Thoughts for a Good Heart

JMT — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:00:00 +0000

A new study from Harvard shows that optimism could be a key factor in reducing your risk of heart disease. This study provides stronger evidence to suggest a link between mental health and overall well being. People with a positive outlook on life tend to be more active, have better eating habits, and be non-smokers. These optimists also have healthier cholesterol, weight, and blood pressure. Whether a healthy life style makes you feel more positive or feeling positive makes you want to live a healthier life style will take some more research. Either way, it seems like looking on the bright side could be good for your heart in more ways than one.

Read the entire article here: Happy? Positive outlook may be good for your heart

Pop Singer Speaks Out About Depression

JMT — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 20:30:00 +0000

Depression is a serious issue and if you feel its symptoms, you’re not alone. The most unlikely people can be secretly struggling with depression. Frankie Sandford, a singer in the UK girl-pop group, The Saturdays, has spoken out about the time she took off to deal with depression. To the public, Frankie seemed to have everything: beauty, a nice boyfriend, and plenty of money. However, Frankie suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, and serious feelings of doubt. Suppressing these issues doesn’t help. Frankie hopes publicizing her struggle with depression will help others seek assistance with their own issues.

Read the entire article here: The Saturdays’s Frankie Sandford opens up on her battle with depression

Belly Dancing Brings Confidence to Women

JMT — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:05:00 +0000

Belly dancing classes at the Golden Himalaya store in Golden, Colorado allow women to embrace their bodies the way they are. Unlike ballet, this kind of dancing, a fusion tribal style that blends Middle Eastern tradition with folk, hip-hop, and jazz, is meant to be performable by women of all body types. And even though it is called “belly” dancing, there’s no obligation to expose yours. Long-time belly dancer Cynthia Topp says that after a while, women of all shapes start to feel comfortable showing some skin, since this female-bonding experience helps everyone learn that her “body is great just the way it is.”

Read the entire article here: Women find comfort in their bodies at belly-dancing/female-bonding class

Clinical Depression Can Cause Health Problems

JMT — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 17:31:20 +0000

According to Peter D. Kramer, M.D., not only does clinical depression cause emotional pain, it is physically unhealthy to suffer from depression. Clinically depressed people are more likely to die, and not from suicide. Heart disease, stroke, cancer, and diabetes find it easier to get the upper hand with those who are depressed. Depressed women have less calcium in their bones. Memory can be affected. Dr. Kramer says that “….depression disorganizes the brain and disrupts cardiovascular system functioning.” Depression treatment should include ruling out physical conditions that can cause depression-like symptoms, must be tailored to the individual, and needs to be continued long enough to bring lasting results.

Read the entire article here: Expert Insights on Treating Depression

Panic Attacks Aren’t Funny, But This Article Is

JMT — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 18:11:00 +0000

If you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know that they are no joke. There is no escaping the feeling of doom; your demise is imminent and certain, your heart rate takes off like a rocket, and you cast about for escape. Kara Baskin’s humorous look at her own anxiety attacks have the feel of someone reporting from the front lines. She says, “I actually spent my vacation in sweat pants, eating room-service burritos from a Styrofoam tray while propped on pillows, stuffing myself like some deranged queen, watching “The Golden Girls” reruns while my husband paced from my bedside to the balcony that overlooked a golf course.” She makes you laugh, knowingly. Then she triumphs.

Read the entire article here: Panic in Paradise