Cultivate Confidence

3 Things I Learned From My Horse

My horse Hermano died on March 2nd, 2012.  Here are the 3 most important things he taught me:

1) The most healing thing you can offer another being is your complete attention and presence.

2) Health is unique to each being. There is no one size fits all approach.

3) When there is suffering, stay present. Even if it means standing, walking, and hopping on a broken leg.

To read the entire article, click here.

Crying in The Dentist’s Chair

“You have to feel to heal.” ~ Julia Butterfly Hill

When people come to see me for therapy, we inevitably end up talking about emotions, and how they need to be felt, not just talked about. And inevitably, I will hear some version of the following: “I can’t feel my feelings!  I’ve got to go to work! I’ve got to be with my kids! I’ve got to keep it together!  I just can’t go around crying all day!” And my response is usually something like, “Why not?” Read more »

Creating A Gap Through Meditation

Through the practice of mediation, we are able to create a gap between our thoughts and our behavior.  By staying present in the energy in the body instead of getting wrapped up in our thinking, we can create choice about our behavior.  This is the story of my own experience of getting bit by a cat.  I couldn’t believe it. “We were supposed to be friends,” I thought, and to my horror, my next thought was, “Kick it!” To read the full article, click here.

This Is An Elf Free Zone

Parenting.  It’s hard.  Every holiday season I’m struck by the whole “naughty or nice” syndrome that takes over our culture.  In this article I explore the idea of parenting without punishment or reward, and explain why I think the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon is harmful to the self esteem of children.  To read the whole article, click here.

The Jig Is Up

One of the hardest things for people to hear is, “If you are not compassionate with yourself, your ability to be compassionate with others is limited.”  I get it!  I didn’t like hearing it either.  Why? Because it means the jig is up. Read more »

Wisdom from the Willy Wonka of Technology

To be honest I never thought much about Steve Jobs, even though I am a die-hard Mac, ipod and iphone user, and my 16 month old son knows how to use an ipad.  However, after I heard about his death, I became curious about his life.  Who was this man that invented the technology that I suddenly find difficult to go a day without? What I found profoundly impacted me.  I’ve decided to let his wisdom speak for itself. Read more »

Compassion Confusion

In my work I talk a lot about compassion.  What it is, and what it isn’t.  There’s a lot of confusion out there.  The biggest misconception I hear can be summarized as, “If I was really a compassionate person, I’d be ok with whatever people do that hurts me, because I know that the other person is hurting as well.”  Although this way of thinking contains a seed of truth (the other person is hurting) it is a misguided view of compassion, and ultimately leads to more suffering for both people. Read more »

Victim Math

A client of mine recently described his struggles with his wife. “I do victim math.  I start adding it all up.  I watched the baby so she could work.  I did the laundry.  I vacuumed.  She didn’t say thank you or appreciate any of it!  Eventually, I feel resentful.  The clincher is she will criticize me for something and I just blow up!  Then she’s hurt and angry with me!  Victim math is really hurting my relationship.” Read more »

Social Anxiety

You’re at a party that you didn’t want to go to in the first place, but you got talked into it.  You walk in the room and immediately feel like everyone is watching and judging you.  You start to feel extremely self-conscious and think things like, “I don’t know what to say to anyone.  Why did I wear this shirt?  I’m starting to sweat and everyone can tell.  People are talking about me. Why did I come here?!?” Read more »

The Fly

In my last article, I introduced the idea of working with the mind as a way of curbing one’s temper.  To read that article and watch a video by Pema Chodron, click here.  Pema explains that we have little control of our external environment, so, what to do when we feel agitated, angry, and aggressive?  We have to learn to work with our own minds.  How do we do that?  Through meditation. Read more »